just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
