So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
