I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
