i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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