girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
