I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
