my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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