so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
