god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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