Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
