and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
