We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
