I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
