if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
