Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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