$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
