I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
