just tell him i said nine months
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
