Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
