I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
