At least make sure they are 18
Why
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
