I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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