Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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