You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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