I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
