I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm