I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.