when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize