i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
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Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.