she looked like the before picture.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"