I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.