His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.