I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
