he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
