making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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