i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize