I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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