it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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