You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
FUCK WHALES
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
