Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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