Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
