It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
