I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
