He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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