I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
