My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
