is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
