I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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