just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
