is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
