Jerry, you need to find god
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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