Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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