Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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