I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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