I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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