I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
