I am puke
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
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The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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