Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
