dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
