There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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