I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
