96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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