It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
