then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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