I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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