Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
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So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
God I need to hump something, right now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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