so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
