He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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