Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
