you should give me head with plastic fangs in
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
