I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
