you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
