I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Barsexuality is the new black.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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