So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
