carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
