I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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