she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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